Real or not real
by Theheroineinprogress
Summary: Plotted in the Mockingjay's final chapter, only with Peeta's POV. How he escaped the tragic hijack and how he found his way back to Katniss. May contain spoilers
1. Red Eyes

**The following may contain major spoilers for it is plotted in the last couple of chapters of book three; Mockinjay. It is based mostly on Peeta's point of view, how it has troubled him and how he sees Katniss in his own perspective. I strictly recommend not to move on if you have not finished the book itself. **

**(Some contents are from the official book, only edited it now and then but I try my best to stick to it's _original pacing from Ms. Suzanne Collins' work_. I do not own any part of the trilogy and this is merely a fanfiction from Peeta's narration on how things ended in Mockingjay.)**

**I repeat, This is Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread's narration.**

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><p><em>(The Hunger Games Trilogy; Mockingjay|Book Three. Chapter 26; 371)<em>

I slam the door from my behind as hard as I could. Some times, it's even hard not to think of her being a mutt with all that she has done. Has she went mad? Ofcourse, I know I'm the one with tampered memory but allowing Coin proceed to her next step, which is now the 76th Hunger Games composed with the Capitol children wont solve anything! Katniss shouldve known that by now and she should also know how dreadful it is, 24 innocent tributes being sent off to kill one another like we're just another pack of useless wolves. Havent she had enough? She's already sent twice, No, **We**'ve already sent twice and the grieving memories are still haunting us. I cant let another game start. I have to start a plan somehow.

I hear Johanna calling up to me behind. I ignored her and started stomping down the hallways and into my assigned room. If anything is for certain, The president's mansion is far more warm than the underground paths of District 13. I look out my window. The crowd is starting to gather around the City Circle. Ah. I almost forgot. Today is Snow's excecution.

There's a knock on my door when three Capitol citizen arrived. I can identify by the way they dress. Almost covered in bright pink feathers looking like flamingos. Despite all of that, The shallow emptiness in their eyes says it all. How they have been affected by the war themselves. Ofcourse it wasnt easy. It was never easy for any of us but I'm hoping everything will be better now that theres a new administration. Then, the image of Coin earlier, declaring another games for the Capitol children reminded me that what I'm hoping for may not so likely. But we didnt come this far for nothing, did we?

One of them speaks up which breaks the trail of thought from my mind.  
>"We're supposed to dress you up for the execution." Says the one with the neon yellow hair with a smile.<br>Right. I forgot. Even my own stylists since I began has been blown into chunks of bits. The memory of Portia brings somewhat sadness. Ofcourse, we're not as close as Katniss is to Cinna but she has been fairly nice to me. Nice enough to consider her as a friend.  
>I gave her a warm smile, trying to be casual as much as I can, not letting my wary show.<p>

By then, they helped me get ready. I see my burnt skin up my sleeve but they have found a good way to cover it with a nice black suit. Although, the one that spreads from my neck to back didnt seem to find a loophole out of the picture. I doubt there will be any way to cover this burnt flesh.  
>There's a hint of gladness as Effie checked up on me. She has survived afterall, with her gold wig that glimmers from the rays of light from the window.<br>"Good to see you and your glittering hair, Effie." I said with a smile.  
>"Good to see you, too, Peeta" She nod with a sly grin. "I'll need you with the rest of the victors in the City Circle at five." The fatigue in her eyes is unmistakable.<br>"Now, If you excuse me, I'll need to get a lot of things on set. I still need Katniss ready. I'll catch up on you later. Dont be late." She smiled at me as she gripped her clipboard around her arms and headed for the door.

As directed, I went to the Circle shortly after i bid my stylists thanks.

I take my place outside and sat in the Victor's seats with the others. I didnt really bother even to look at them after the tension earlier in the meeting.  
>Guards, Officials, Rebel Leaders and the crowd started to accompany Katniss Everdeen what is such a deafening roar and cheers as she stepped out of the shadow.<p>

A precise memory came gushing down on me.  
><em>That day when I was running what seems to be an endless woods. I can feel the leaves rustling beneath my feet although I cant remember what I'm running away from. Then I see a glimpse of her, near the unusually sparkling lake. She was staring up the clouds like she's waiting for something to arrive. I stopped and turned towards her. I shook her, screamed her name at the top of my lungs to tell her to run. I dont exactly know why but I have a very strong feeling something's coming towards our direction and it's not gonna be good. Yet she stayed there. My warnings were nonthreatening. A single muscle didnt move her body, looking up at the skies like a statue. But I cant leave her here. Specially not Katniss.<em>  
><em>I can sense the danger creeping closer. Katniss' head jerked to her behind, where the threat's direction is. Then very slowly, turned to look at me. She held my gaze for a moment. Then her eyes turned unusually red. The red eyes brightened up as if it has seen sight of a prey.<em>

The boom of the people had me returning to what is really happening. I see a glimpse of Snow being marched to the Circle, a few yards away from Katniss when my head starts spinning. I shut my eyes close.  
><em>The memory of those bright red eyes, and their owner, evolving into some kind of a black, unusual bird about five feet taller than me. I look back at the track I was desperately trying to get away from at first, then I see a wall of fire eating its way on the forest towards me. The fire wall is spreading strangely quick.<em>

I tried to open my eyes for real this time. My gaze directly at Katniss in the center of the stage. Blurry but I see her image. I squint my eyes to focus and tried to shake the terrifying memory that has haunted me away.  
>Poised to target Snow, she was. But she suddenly make shift. Pointing her arrow the other way around, She let go of the string. I couldnt manage to see where the arrow has landed- I couldnt even shift my eyes away from her. Instincts had me running towards her.<br>I dont know why, If she would turn into a mutant red eyed killing machine in a matter of seconds, but a part of me wants to protect her.

But I know I couldnt. Ofcourse I couldnt protect the one who's about to rip my head off with its own sharp claws. Senses had me running to her back and grasp her shoulders.

I searched for her eyes, expecting them to go red in a matter of seconds. But they stayed the same. Gray with the same cold stare locked at mine.  
>"Let me go!" She snarled. Wrestling her way out of my grasp.<br>"I cant!" I tell her. '_I cant, unless you turn into a mutt the moment I let go of you'._

_Another painful memory startled my mind. The flames. They walled up around me and the said red-eyed creature who used to be so beautiful and mesmerizing staring at the blank sky. The mutation hunted me down slowly, Only realizing that I'm on all fours. The last thing I fully remember is when it clasp its claw in my chest and the other started ripping its way through my face. Then everything went black._


	2. The Hanging Tree

_"Are you, are you  
>Coming to the tree<br>Where they strung up a man they say murdered three.  
>Strange things did happen here<br>No stranger would it be  
>If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."<em>

I can hear someone sing. Strums of melodies from her angelic voice. I open my eyes. Everything is too bright so it gave me an extra obstacle to focus, but I'm sure I'm inside a building once my eyes adjust. Gray panels of walls on my sides and a long, narrow hallway filled with rusty lockers out front. By the looks of it, daylight shines down from the entrance door behind me.

I walk straight up ahead, only pausing every now and then to search for the melody's owner. No one here is around. Except me - It continues to sing - No, except us. Whoever the person might be.

_"Are you, are you  
>Coming to the tree<br>Where the dead man called out for his love to flee.  
>Strange things did happen here<br>No stranger would it be  
>If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."<em>

The harmony continues. I turn to my right where the corridor extend to the exit doors. Then she's there. A silhouette of the girl against the blinding light coming from the outside of this building. My eyes searched for her face, who is behind this beautiful melody, but all I can see is her behind. Her beautiful voice becomes more and more familiar to me. But I cant seem to remember who its owner is. For a moment, I stand there. Mesmerized. As she continued to sing another verse. I hang on to every word she says.

_"Are you, are you_  
><em>Coming to the tree<em>  
><em>Where I told you to run so we'd both be free.<em>  
><em>Strange things did happen here<em>  
><em>No stranger would it be<em>  
><em>If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."<em>

I dont get it.  
>"Hey!" A voice called from her behind. It took me a second to register that it was me who approached her. Who else would be around here?<br>The figure of the girl was startled. She paused for a minute of silence.  
><em>'Why did she stop?' <em>I thought. Then, a hint of fear started from my insides. Afraid that a moment from now, She'll vanish into thin air, leaving me with nothing but silence and loneliness and darkness. I dont want her to ever stop singing. Her voice gives me a sense of protection.

Now, I feel my feet scramble as the figure moves farther, running towards the exit.  
>I tried to catch up after her. Momentarily, I was faster. Now I'm just a yard away from her when I reached out for her and felt her loose, soft hair touch my skin.<p>

I feel the heat of the burning sun as I escaped the dim light of the building and squint my eyes to focus on the surroundings outside. I came into a halt and scanned everything around, how we're in a field full of dandelions. Trees gathered at the far end of the field where birds sat. No, not ordinary birds. I can sense by their black and white feathers that they are mockinjays. Handful of them, sitting silently at the branches. Waiting for more melodies to unfold like I was.

She stopped too, only a couple of yards away from me, and turned around to face me.  
>She's the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on. Katniss Everdeen. In a plain white dress with her loose, dark, wavy hair right about her shoulders long. Olive skin and her eyes- gray, beautiful pair of eyes only containing nothing but compassion in them, not the same old hatred brought by the Capitol.<br>She smiled at me, the most beautiful smile she has ever worn and then, her lips started moving.

_"Are you, are you_  
><em>Coming to the tree<em>  
><em>Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me."<em>

She raised her arms towards me as she continued to sing, Offering her hand at me.

_"Strange things did happen here_  
><em>No stranger would it be<em>  
><em>If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."<em>

Then everything registered in my mind. Death. The sweetest escape we both could manage to have at this point.  
>I purse my lips, dont know how to respond. I trust her, ofcourse. But I'm still hesitant at this point. Isnt she the one who tried to kill me with her claws?<p>

My mind started debating. I dont know which is real or not. Clips started flashing before my eyes. First, the horrific image of her, trying to kill me and then, the other ones where I was asking her if I loved her, and she said yes. That I did infact loved her very much. I dont know what to believe in. This is the point when people should start telling me which is real or not real. But how could I when no body's around but her?

She looked at me with her eyes, waiting for an answer. Then the mockingjays in the trees picked up the melody and started to sing the terrifying song back and forth.  
>I locked my gaze at her gray eyes for a moment and that is when I know, that she will not turn into something sadistic. That tears are starting to fill up her eyes.<p>

Now, I want to. I want to follow her, and I would.  
>I reached out of her hand, but before I could touch her, I was cut out of the dream.<p>

* * *

><p>I wake up with a sharp jolt in my chest. I'm in some kind of operation where I am surrounded by doctors. The sharp electricity shocked my chest again until it stopped. I can feel my heart beat again until I slip into a deep unconsciousness.<p>

My body was stiff when I truly awaken. My arms went numb. I can tell by my muscles that I was knocked out for days. Even weeks. Yet I lay there. Not moving as I stare up the ceiling. A man in his white long laboratory coat come and goes everyday. I try to make no conversation with him, afraid to receive unimaginable news. But he sends me some simple greetings, like "Goodmorning, Peeta" or "How do you feel, Mr. Mellark?" only to have no responses coming from me.

After a week of so or feeling numb and useless, Haymitch went in to check on me. He sat at the far end of the bed.  
>"After the execution... You had a heart failure." He informs me.<br>"We were directed to go back home.. back to District 12. Only Katniss and I." Her name caught me off guard as I flinch. Haymitch must have noticed this.  
>"The doctor said it would be better if you stay here a little longer. Two weeks more, maybe? So they can help you recover from the tampered memory Snow gave you. I guess it would be best so I agreed." I stayed silent, only to find Haymitch waiting for my answer.<br>"I understand." I said under my breath.  
>He stood up and gave me a gentle path in my back. "Good. See you in a couple of weeks, then."<p>

And just like that, he was out of the room and I'm alone again.  
>Atleast it's pleasant to know that she's still alive, afterall. That she isnt waiting for my hand with hers only to have the both of us dead and gone. There is chance afterall.<p>

I went back to sleep, remembering her song in the back of my head.

_"Strange things did happen here  
>No stranger would it be<br>If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."_


	3. Monsters

_**Author's Corner;**_

_**Hey. I guess I should thank everyone who sticks with this story although it's not yet fully thought of. I admit the last chapter wasn't really off the hook because I was easily distracted when I was writing it.. I know it's no excuse. But I promise I'll try make the following more intense.. Blah. So yeah. Please drop some reviews. They are highly appreciated and inspires me a lot to continue my fanfic. Thank you, again!**_

_**Ladies and gentlemen, I present you Chapter Three :)**_

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><p>"So, what you mean is that- the ones with far too detailed seems to be the ones who are tampered?" He asked with intense curiosity.<p>

I nod. His brows creased in thinking as he pursed his dry, chapped lips.  
>"Well, then. What I need you to do now is to remember all those of what you think are hijacked memories and forget them. Never let them linger in your mind again." He says as he looks down at his paper, taking down notes across the table.<br>"But-" I tried to explain but he cut me off.  
>"Now, I know it's not easy as it looks, Peeta. But you atleast got to try. I have no idea what is going on inside of your mind at the moment and that is why I need your trust so I can help you recover."<br>I understand his point. Apparently, of all the years of hijacking, Snow never allowed any other doctors in the Capitol to invent something to cure those horrific images. And I know Dr. Aurelius is trying to help me in the best possible way he could think of. This is how I decided to trust him completely and he knows well I dont want any more of these memories to linger.  
>"I know." I whispered, trying to be patient. I want to get out of this treatment. I want to get out of this mansion. I want to get out of the Capitol.<br>He gave me a sly smile. "I was told that, on your victory tour which is after your first games that you were painting the painful memories of them for months?"  
>"Yes." I say to him in a weak voice.<br>"And you still do, don't you?" He looks at me suspiciously. Out of nowhere, my head started to throb lightly.  
>Guilt causes me to fall silent. I know it's wrong to paint them but it relaxes me, once I get a hand of the brush and the canvas, all I can see are terrifying images-both real and hijacked. They dont seem to differ to me when I paint. I still want all of them vanished.<br>He shakes his head at me as he crosses his arms. Headache started to strike my senses.  
>"How do you think you're supposed to forget them when you see their portrait almost everytime? Are you satisfied with your works?"<br>"No." I say through my gritted teeth. "Look, I'll get rid of them, Okay?" I sense my voice has raised its naturally patient tone. I let out a sigh and tried to relax my muscles. "I'll get rid of them."  
>"Lets end today's session. You need some rest." He dismissed and I bolt out of the treatment room.<p>

It's been a week long since Haymitch bid me goodbye and it's been a tough one. Images flash in the back of my mind every now and then, more often than when we were under cover to assassinate Snow in the war. Aurelius says that the more often they play, the sooner I will recover as long as I try to separate what I think is real or not. _"Try to look at it positively. Atleast you dont have to cuff yourself when you sleep anymore"_ he says. But I feel like I've been more miserable.

I walk down the hallway, heading for my room when I hear a child's cry. Up ahead was Annie with her and Finnick's son on her arms.  
>"Hey." I approached her. "Where are you up to, Annie?" I look down the baby who wont stop crying. He has the same sea green eyes as both of his parents has, His father's tan skin but her mother's dark hair.<br>"I'm going to get this little one here his lunch." She continued to cradle him to stop crying.  
>He looks exactly like his father, I wanted to say but I bet it will upset Annie more than it will to me. I try to stay out of Finnick Odair's memories.<br>"What's his name?"  
>It took Annie a second to reply as she gave the child a weak smile, as a tear fell down her face.<br>"I named him after his father..." Tears continued to pour down. ".. Finn". She managed to choke out.  
>"It's the perfect name. I'm sure he'll continue his father's legacy." I tell her, trying to calm her down.<br>"Thanks, Peeta." She smiled.

I followed her as she and little Finn made their way to the mansion's kitchen. We sat by the dinning table as she feeds the bottle of warm milk to make the baby stop crying.  
>"Annie, I thought everyone are supposed to be back on their districts by now."<br>"They are." She says. "I am here the same reason you still are."  
>Right. We're the ones who are quite beaten down in mental capacity to be let out of the mansion. And by this, I cant help not to feel like being imprisoned.<br>"How are you fairing out?" I ask her.  
>She shook her head in reply.<br>"I'm sorry."  
>She shut her eyes tight as if trying to block whatever's happening before her. She holds her baby even closer. Dead air fills in for a moment. Annie really isnt the talkative type but her presence reminds me that I'm not the only one left out after the war. It calms me down somehow.<br>"I could be worst, you know." She managed to say when she opened her tear-filled eyes.  
>I look at her, not knowing what to say. What is she talking about, anyways? What's worst than this?<br>"He keeps me from going over the edge." She glare down the now sleeping baby on her arms, sucking his thumb as he drifts off to whatever peaceful dream he's now seeing. Unaware of her mother's tragedy.  
>I understand her now. Probably if I was on her place, where her husband died, I would've followed him to death, as well. Yet she cradles this little one- right here, right now- reminding her that there's still a reason to live. That there's still beauty in this damned world. That she's still needed.<br>"I know she's still in you... Katniss. That you still love her as much as you have before." She looks up to meet me in the eyes. "I can see it in your eyes, Peeta. She's your Finn."  
>I drop my gaze and purse my lips.<p>

Another memory boggles my mind as I escape the room of Annie and the baby besides me.  
><em>I'm in a pipe. Or what I think it is. It's so dark. Panting from the mutts I'm trying to get away from. Hurled up on the floor with my hands on cuffs and I see them bleeding. Fatigue rushes over me but I know I'm not alone. There's only a little light coming from above but I can feel the other's presence. And I feel certain it will only take a snap of a finger for me to loose control again.<em>  
><em>"Peeta." I hear Katniss say on the far end of the pipe. She rushes to catch my wrist which hides my face. Only then I notice I'm shaking too much when she held my arms.<em>  
><em>"Peeta?" She calls again, the wary in her voice is unmistakable.<em>  
><em>I try to open my eyes and look at her but everything's getting all blurry. Now I'm sure I'm about to loose control but I fight my way through sanity as much as I could.<em>  
><em>"Leave me." I managed to choke out. "I cant hang on."<em>  
><em>"Yes. You can!" She tells me.<em>  
><em>I shake my head in reply. "I'm losing it. I'll go mad. Like them."<em>  
><em>Like them. Like the mutts ripping throat to throat and limbs to limbs. Vicious, horrid creatures who are rather good as dead. Katniss is not the monster around here.<em>  
><em>I know death is knocking on my door now. If not, I will be the one who will kill Katniss when I go completely insane. And I'd rather be dead that having to kill her. I close my eyes for the end.<em>

_But instead of feeling my throat cut off or my heart stabbed with a shock of pain, I feel her warm, tender lips hold mine. I can feel fire starting to spark inside me, creeping out of my skin, burning intensely. It feels nice. It makes me feel wanted. But my control fell far too short to hold the feelings any longer. The battle rages on, making me shake even harder. Katniss pulled up and slides her hands to clasp my wrists._  
><em>"Dont let him take you from me." And I know who she meant. This was all part of Snow's plan. To have her kill me.<em>  
><em>I try my best to keep my feet on reality which isnt the easiest thing to do. My head throbs and shrieks of pain started to strike. Stress, bad tempered memories, the fact that I'm about to die...<em>  
><em>But I need to keep fighting. I can feel the touch of her skin in my wrists.<em>  
><em>"No. I dont want to..." I'm still panting. Desperately trying to break away from the unimaginable pain. <em>  
><em>She clench my wrist even harder, reminding me of her begging. Reminding me of why I should keep fighting. "Stay with me!"<em>  
><em>I open my eyes slowly. The image of her face returning to normalcy, clearer, clearer. Until I'm able to relax. "Always." I tell her.<em>

I return to reality with my head swinging until I realize I was curled up in a fetal position, hurdled up in my chair, face buried on my palms. I look up and see Annie's worried eyes trailed on me as her baby still sleeps in her protective arms. I stand up and bid them goodbye. All these memories returning in front of anybody isn't what I wanted. I don't want anyone near me in case I loose control.

I headed back to my room and locked the door shut behind me. I turn around only to see the canvases of paintings the doctor forbid me from making earlier. I do a round of them one last time before I get rid of them. Throw them in the thrash, maybe. Or even burn them.  
>There are pictures of the torture chamber where Snow locked me in with the other victors. An image of the mutts on the sewer. Darius and Lavinia. All sorts of nightmares brought by the trackerjackers. And then there was another that changed my fear into strength by just looking at it. It brought me hope unlike the rest of the other paintings. It was Katniss. The one with the field of dandelions and the mockingjays to mimic her song, the hanging tree.<br>I linger my fingers at her innocent face trying to sense what's stirring up inside me.  
>Why did I come this far, anyway? If I wanted to be dead, I would've been gone by now. It's not that hard. Both of my brothers are long gone. So is my father and my mother. So what do I hope to achieve being alive and well at this point? Why was I even trying to recover? For whom?<p>

_'I can see it in your eyes, Peeta. She's your Finn.'_ I hear Annie say.  
>Is she? The last piece of beauty... The last reason why I should be fighting to stay alive.. more importantly, to stay sane. It makes sense now.<br>And it strikes me like a thunder. She wasn't the monster all along. She never was... because I was.

I collected the clusters of canvases, I make sure I get all of them out of my room except for the last image of Katniss surrounded by dandelions. I securely hang the last one on the velvet, deep red wall. Making sure it was perfectly unharmed.  
>I went outside with all of the canvas on my sides and started to light a fire. One by one I watch them burn, away from my memories, away from the cold, cruel world. Automatically, I already felt better.. safer, somewhat. As the flames burn them to nothing but smoke and ashes. I watch the smoke fade away in the sky.<p> 


	4. She Needs Me

I watch the sun rise over my room's window. I couldnt sleep. Nightmares still shoots out of the dark memories even though I have passed almost what I calculate is a month of everyday treatment here in Capitol. He says it wont be easy. I dont find it in any way to be a piece of cake either but atleast there have been improvements. Like not to kill someone if ever I've lost grip of my control.  
>The sky is orange. Another day of lockdown is about to pass. I think of the days since I have been locked in here after the execution of Snow- Nothing but everyday checkups, locking myself from the outside world, occasionally meeting up with Annie and Finn whenever I catch up with her in the hallways. Besides all of that, I have no use for this place. It might be a mansion but I prefer the place where I grew up.. District 12.. The square.. The Bakery...<p>

Today at late afternoon, there's a mandatory viewing about the status of every districts in Panem. They will probably have enough screen time to picture the new District 12.  
>I have been informed that it was down to ashes. I haven't seen it myself, actually. Although I know Katniss has made propos of it when 13 was on rebellion but Snow was busy drowning me on tracker jackers then that's why I have missed it. Later, I'm about to see how truly bad it is.<p>

The phone at the end of my room ringed. I dont know why they let me keep this one; I have no use for it. I dont have anyone to call and no one would bother to get updates of me anyways. I wonder who could this be. My first phone call for months. Maybe they just want to know if I'm still alive. Maybe someone cares afterall. Or maybe they had the number wrong. Either way, I get up and answered it.

I wait for it to speak before I do, trying to make sense if it's familiar.  
>"Hello?" It is. Its deep round voice confirms it's a male. Theres an edge of doubt in his voice. Probably calling me wasn't planned. But who? Haymitch? No. Not Haymitch.<br>"Hey." I answered back.  
>"Peeta? ... Hey. It's Gale."<br>Gale? Why on earth would Gale call? The world must be on crack. It's not that Gale and I are enemies. We're not friends either. Surely he wouldnt mind if I end up dead.  
>"Yeah?" I assume there's an obvious anxiety on my voice. I dont know why.<br>"Hey. Uh. How are you fairing?"  
>"The doctor says there's an achievement. But there's more room for improvement. You?"<br>"Im well."  
>"Good to know." I say.<br>"Yeah. Thanks" He returns.  
>And then there's silence.<br>"What made you call, anyways?" I ask him.  
>"Glad you brought that up.. I cant contact Katniss.. Is she in any other way, alright?"<br>"I dont know. I still dont know if I can... talk to her in a normal state... Not loosing consciousness.."  
>"You're not even trying." He says in a rough voice.<br>"No. I'd never give up on her." _I never will._  
>Silence took over the line for a moment again. Until he started to sound serious.<br>"It's Prim..." He stumbled over the words clearly giving him troubles. "she's gone.." He choke out.  
>"So I've heard. I'm sorry for her loss. She was one of the best healers I have ever met at such a young age." I tell him.<br>"Dont try to make things better with your words, Peeta. They're just making me feel worst... It's me. I'm the one who planned her death. But it was an accident. Because of me Katniss is..." He cut off. And then continued. "I-I dont think I'll be back in 12 for a while. I'll be busy here in 2. Or atleast try make myself occupied."  
>"It's okay. I understand." I tell him.<br>"Make sure you take care of her while I'm out. Got it? Orelse..." He threatens.  
>"Orelse what? You can trust me. I'll take care of her once I'm let out of this prison cell even if you wont tell me to."<br>"Still, this doesnt mean the end. Leave her alone, crying one time and I'll kick you out no matter how she pleads... You better recover soon before I change my mind..."  
>"I doubt that will ever happen." I say.<br>"Well, I dont.. That's about it. I have to go. I still have a busy day ahead. You keep your words."  
>"You can bet your life on it." I assure him.<br>"Sure sure."

And by that, we dismissed each other. Neither of us feels easy with each other's presence but that's enough to make me understand what he's going through. Besides, I have been informed enough by Dr. Aurelius. How Beetee and Gale planned the assassination and the bombs. Coin sending Prim to the Capitol. The silver parachutes. The flame who have not only achieved to kill the Capitol children, The rescue team where Prim was assigned as well. Not to mention having to affect me. And Katniss, too. We both have these burn scars to prove it. Running from my neck to my back. Arms to my fingers. Unmistakable. Permanent.

Inside my head I can hear Gale's voice to what seem to be months ago. Back in Tigris' cold, dark panic room.  
><em>"No. You won her over. Gave up everything for her. Maybe that's the only way to convince her you love her."<em>

* * *

><p>"I have an assignment for you." He says.<br>Before I know it, I was called to the treatment room for another session with the doctor at 10 am.  
>"I need you to watch this tape before the mandatory screening this afternoon and tell me all your reactions. Now, this is something you must watch on your own so you are aware your actions. Dont worry. You wont be filmed while watching it. All I need are your honest reviews. I trust you, anyways." He hands me what seems to be a chip where the tape is inside.<br>"Okay. I will. But . . . This wont trigger anything in me, tho. Will it?" I ask him for assurance.  
>"Ofcourse not. Why would I challenge you to lose your control when I'm helping you to regain it?"<br>He has a point.  
>"You may now go. Take your lunch and watch it. If you've done well, I might have a surprise for you."<p>

I nod and left the room. I've decided to skip my lunch since I'm not really hungry. Besides, curiosity won over and who knows what good news awaits for me when I pull myself through this. I watch at the chip curiously as I make my way to my room.

Inside was always a plasma screen about 30 inches tall fixed on the right paneled wall. I insert the chip on a little hub made for it. The clips views almost immediately.  
>I fall back to my bed, trying to focus on what's the clip all about. My heart was pounding out of my chest as my vision gets clearer. It was one of those days in my first games. I watch Katniss on the screen as she helps me get on my feet, covered in mud and greens. I remember now. It was when she helped me from the river bank when I almost died. The following clips cover when we were in a cave. Some I remember, some are trying to make their way inside my mind. I watch her drug me to sleep as she leaves to recover the medicine for me from the feast. Then the clip continues until three of us only remains. I catch a glimpse of the wolf mutations before I get dragged back to the dark with my own mind. My head started to ache bad but I try hard to focus on what's in front of me.<br>My mind was a chaos. I see mutts, I hear screams with the voice non other than mine. Flashes of images tried to clump together which I cannot bare. President Snow. Darius. Lavinia. The Torture Chamber. Johanna Mason being drowned. The red eyes watching my every moves. The wall of fire..  
>It was too much for my mind to contain but I try my best to relax. But I couldnt. All I can manage to do is not to scream and not to move a muscle. My only option is to wait for it to finish. Which seems impossible.<p>

Miraculously, I can feel the flashbacks fading. One by one of those memories are vanishing. But I doubt it would be their last. I open my eyes slowly, only finding myself on a fetal position, laying across the bed. I look up and see the clip still rolling. I wait for my vision to return to normalcy and find my attention glued to the screen. It was located on a shore. Which means nothing else but the 75th quarter quell. . . The year of the clock inspired arena. . . The Quell where I expected to never see another sun rise.

I watch the screen, A boy and a girl at the midnight shore, all curled up with each other. The girl rest her head against the guy's shoulder as he caress her hair with his left hand.  
>"Katniss." He calls out "it's no point pretending we dont know what the other one's trying to do."<br>"I dont know what kind of deal you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well. . . So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us. . ." She raise her head to meet his eyes. "Why are you saying this now?" She asks him.  
>"Because I dont want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District 12. You're my whole life." He explains to her. "I would never be happy again."<br>She tried to make statement but the boy puts a finger to her lips. And he continued. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldnt be hard. But there are other people who make your life worth living."  
>He pulls out his locket to the bright moonlight and opened it. A picture of the girl's mother and sister on the right and a picture of her bestfriend on left.<br>"Your family needs you, Katniss." He tells her. Trying as hard as he can to make her see what he sees. The girl's eyes are now teary. You can see she tries her hardest not to break into tears but very often, you can catch a glimpse of a tear in her cheek under the moon lit beach.

Instinctively, I catch myself-my real self today who's mind is on crack- say the following words along the tape.  
>"No one really needs me." I mumble to myself and so does the one on screen. Everything seems clearer now. Memories, i mean, real memories started to lead their way into my mind. I started to remember every day I spent with this girl in the arena.<br>But it's still the truth. That I am nothing but a piece of trash on the sidewalk while others continue to walk and move on. Able to see the world again. To start another life ahead unlike the messed up me today. . .

"I do." I hear her say before I start to loose hope. "I need you." She pleads to the boy on the screen.  
>I've been always to detect whenever she's telling something with no hint of truth but this one is flawless. And at that exact moment, I know she wasnt lying like how she have in order for us to live. I know that living will be worthless if one of us would'nt make it. That we need each other.<p>

No longer am I terrified of her anymore. Whatever drawn me into her back then has been restored. It's like letting go of a trauma or phobia. The fear that lingers through me weeks ago has completely faded.

I watch the rest of the clip as it only made my feelings grow stronger, Making me more decided and accurate than I have ever been.  
>Afterwards, I went back to Dr. Aurelius to hand back his tape. I knock at his door thrice but doesnt seem to hear it so I went inside the treatment room. I dont see him anywhere in the room but I find his plasma screen turned on. The Mandatory Viewing!<br>It was about to finish but theres one more district they haven't showed... 12.

I had a choice to turn around and not watch it but it's too late. They're already viewing the what seemed to be the town square before I could peel off my eyes.  
>I knew it would be awful but I had no idea it was this horrible. Not a single building survived the attack and only few are now trying to regain their lives back. It's a ghost town.. No. Worst.<br>On the corner, I see a glimpse of what looks like the place where our bakery stands. . . Or where the bakery atleast stood once. Now it's nothing but a pile of rubble.  
>Looks like they have tried to make the town presentable before they viewed this. I can sense that weeks ago, bodies are scattered here and there. The body of my father. . . My brothers. . . And even the body of my mother. Where could they be? My family.<p>

A shot of grief took over me. I crashed down on the floor.  
>I feel like I'm being choked by a huge snake, about 8 feet long, strangling every muscle in my body. I can hear it hiss. The monster turned to face me. Slowly, the head of the snake melted and looks like molded into something else while the eyes remained the same. It's a human head. . . It's Snow.<br>His lips curled back and showed his unnaturally long fangs filled with poisonous venom. Then he lunges to bite me straight in my face.

I expected his sharp fangs digging their way into my flesh but instead, I can feel someone shaking me back to my senses. I see Dr. Aurellius trying to awaken me.

He helped me get off the floor as we sat down to our usual chairs on his office table while he handed me a drink. He gave me a minute to calm myself first until he started asking what did I see.  
>I told him all about Snow and the snake as he took down notes to his stationary paper like the everyday.<br>"I'm sorry I had to leave my office. I also had the same case on Annie. She blacked out when District 4 was in the picture and I had to calm her down when she was back to consciousness."  
>"Is she okay?" I ask.<br>"Yes. She's monitored on the hospital wing right now with her son. She wouldn't let go of him. . . How about you? How are you doing?"  
>I shake my head. "I dont know." I say. "I was a million miles better before."<br>"I see. And after you've watched the clips?"  
>I look up to let him see my smile. I feel like I havent smiled for years. "I was happy." I tell him.<br>He smiled back slyly in return. "And. . . ?" He asks for more details.  
>"And I was full of hope." I say, not suppressing my smile. It's the best I have felt for months.<br>"Well, it seems to be easier than I have expected." He says and sighs. "You're free to go." He adds.  
>"What?" I ask in confusion.<br>"I thought you've always wanted to get out of the Capitol? I said you're free to go. Besides, I need someone to look over Katniss for me. I'm a psychologist, I didnt sign up to cover for her."  
>I nod. "Ofcourse." I tell him. I dont know what to feel. It's great to see Katniss and Haymitch again but in District 12? Where the most bitter memories live? Facing the coverage report on screen earlier was painful but do I have the guts to set foot on it?<p>

"Look." The doctor says. His tone suddenly became more serious. "It may not seem like it but I've been helping people who has disorders for years. And they got better. You're not like them, Peeta. You're very much normal."  
>"I was." I whisper under my breath.<br>"And you still are." He returns. "Trust me when I say you're free to go. Just hearing the fact that the snake's head turned into Snow, not Katniss is a bigger improvement that you would have thought. She needs you back. You know that."

I fall silent. Trying to weigh everything. I remember the image of Katniss on the beach earlier.  
><em>'I need you'<em>. She says. And with those three words I know I cant argue any longer.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Block<strong>_

_And, that's the end of Chapter 4. . ._  
><em>I dont know if it's for sure but this could probably be my worst chapter ever. I'm sorry. There's just too much occupying me and keeping me away from my imaginations lately. The thrill was lost for a moment but I'll regain it since Peeta will be back home in the following chapters :)<em>  
><em>I'm looking forward for that.<em>  
><em>Well, Thank you very much for sticking with the story even after this one. I was hoping I didnt get any of you disappointed because I promise over my dying body I have unlimited plans for the next...<em>  
><em>(I know excuses doesnt register but it's worth the try)<em>  
><em>So yeah... Thanks! :)<em>

_PS. Reviews are MUCH appreciated._


	5. Primrose

I was already done packing my bags when I look up and see a bunch of dandelions decorated in my room in their vase of clear water. A housekeeper must have put them in while I was away. I look out my window and notice bits of greens in the left wing which leads to the mansion's garden. I suddenly felt the need to get some air so I did.

The garden is starting to sprout new leaves and buds of different kinds of flowers. It was left burned to the ground last winter- when war was merging but Commander Paylor, which is now called President Paylor, had it fixed for the spring season. Although appointed to regenerate a country mostly burned to ashes, I can see improvements under her administration.

The fresh, sweet scent of spring air is all around me so I allowed myself to breathe it in and relax my mind. I can hear birds sing around me, I look up and see flashes of black and white feathers. Mockingjays.  
>So they survived afterall. They sing in safety, bouncing musical notes back and forth. I had a stroll around the garden and something bright and yellow caught my eyes. I come towards it and picked it up. Dandelions.<br>They are the first one to sprout this season. Almost in every spring season, in fact. This must be where the ones in my room came from.

Out of nowhere, I can feel my skin shiver and its skin stand up. My heart is racing. Must it be because of fear?  
>I have seen this all before. I look up and see a couple of mockingjays watch me move. I can feel the dandelion's touch in my hand. The only person missing from the scene is Katniss.<br>I remember her singing The Hanging Tree in the field and asks me to join her. To join her die.

I shake my head from the memory and tried to keep my feet on reality grounds. There's no sense in staying here.

I turned around and found my way back inside the mansion.

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><p>I bid my goodbye to Annie, which is kind of making me feel guilty for leaving her still in the hospital wing, in my state. But she assures me she'll be alright as long as she has her baby. I had no choice but to trust her.<p>

She says she'll be out of the President Mansion soon with her baby. Until then, we can always visit each other in our districts. She made me promise to visit her with Katniss next time so we wont be a stranger to Finn when he grows up. That we're a part of the family. And so did I.

I dont know what lies ahead, returning to 12. But I'd rather it than staying here in the Capitol alone.  
>I can feel adrenaline rush through my every vein as I await for my arrival back home in my hovercraft. Certainly, not only is my heart pounding. My head, too. I cant explain how twisted my stomach is so I let myself loose in the clumps of woods that lies ahead in the near window.<p>

It was less than half a day till I'm back on the familiar grounds of 12.. Not so familiar now, anyways. All my eyes can see as far as they can is dry, blackened rubble. It sends me a stab in the chest automatically.  
>It wasnt long till the hovercraft lands in an open. It's impossible to tell which of the places is which with no building in sight. What a wasteland.<br>I can see at the far end of the corner of my eyes are some houses.  
>I made my way towards it as the sight comes into a focus as I draw nearer. It is the village. The only thing that survived in this cursed land.<br>Next to my old apartment was Katniss' and Haymitch's.. Theres no sign of them anywhere. No. Theres no sign of any human presence anywhere. I take this as a chance to unpack my bags inside but it didnt actually go according to my plan as I got inside and scanned the living room.

It was a chaos. You can see by the sight of it someone tried to penetrate the home. Glasses are shattered here and there. Chairs and tables flipped. They must have attacked anyone who wasnt in the bakery in the square. Made sure no one survived.  
>I can feel my knees wobble as my head drives me insane. A hissing started to register in my hearing. I catch a glimpse of the green scale skin of a slithering creature behind the kitchen counter. It's the same snake about 5 feet long or more.<br>I stumbled to get on my feet and leave before it notices anybody else's presence but I ran over a glass vase sitting in the coffee table on my way out.  
>The devious creature's head snapped to my direction and it started to slither its way towards me. I turned my back and ran.<br>On my way out, I can hear it stumble from the stairs of the front porch. I must be twenty meters away now so I decided to turn my head at its direction, not trying to stop running.  
>I saw it snarl at me as its long, snake scaled-body morphed into what supposed to be a wolf. An Identical copy of the ones in the first games. Its strong, hind legs gave him a boost to run after me.<p>

Instinctively, I scanned my surroundings to escape this tragedy that is coming. Panting and blurry vision but I made up my mind in a split second to launch myself to the woods in the far end of the district. I can hear it howl as my feet scramble to safety. Once I'm on the fence, I threw myself on the other side knowing it's the only thread I can hold on from not letting it rip me to pieces. I can hear the fence being shook while I continued running.  
>Loosing my footwork, I tripped over what seems to be a vine. I lay down in the ground, panting and about to loose control but not before I slip into unconsciousness.<p>

When I woke up, it seems to be a different world I'm in. The atmosphere of being chased is gone and it's dawn. Realizing that I have spent overnight in the unwanted woods, I jumped to my feet quickly and searched my surroundings for unwanted predators. But nothing seems to notice my existence.  
>I dont know what really caused me to black out but I'm betting my money its overdue fatigue or concussion.<br>Before I make my way back to the fence, I notice a group of bushes filled with pastel yellow flowers, peaceful and quiet.

Primroses. Without even arguing about it, I went back home to get my equipment for the plant. Knowing the moment I cross the fence of district 12 that the monster is another one of my imaginations.  
><em>'Nothing would morph from a snake into a werewolf like that. Besides, they got all the mutation monsters terminated a month ago.' <em>I keep telling myself as I collect a wagon and a shovel in the back of my apartment.  
>I stop for a moment and look up at Katniss' window. I havent seen her since I came back. Hoping she's okay and better than I am, I continued to the grounds outside 12 and collected the plant, gently putting it in the wagon, I made my way back to the village.<p>

Deciding it's best to plant them near to Katniss' yard, I dug a hole.  
>The sun is starting to shine down signifying that it's another day to start over. I feel glad to be out of the Capitol's reach for now. Even though the grieve over the loss of my family can never be replaced.<br>I hear rough sounds from the inside of Katniss' apartment and I pull out for a halt from digging. I see her standing a few feet away from me. Apparently in the worst shape I have ever seen her in. Shallow face and dark circles beneath her eyes that screams emptiness. Her scars from the fire were just as bad as mine but that isnt the case. Letting herself go is.  
>I know I never was and probably never will be in a good shape but based on what I have seen, she's gone through worst.<p>

"You're back." She says in a hallow voice.  
>"Dr. Aurelius wouldnt let me leave the Capitol until yesterday." I tell her, remembering my torment at the woods. But I try to keep that to myself. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."<br>I frowned at her, disapproving what I just saw she's in. She tried to push her hair back from her face only to find it in clumps.  
>"What are you doing?" She asks me.<br>"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her." I look at the plants. "I thought we could plant them along the sides of the house."  
>I see her starting to tremble as the looks of the roses register in her mind. She gave me a nod and started sprinting inside her apartment.<p>

I felt my knees grow weak from seeing her like this and before I could stop myself, I break down into the ground.


	6. Spring Rain

**Author's Note:** I_t took a little longer, I know. I'm sorry about that._  
><em>Anyways, I dont know how I can exactly thank you guys who stuck with this story even though it's progressing slowly. It's just heartwarming.<br>So the following chapter is about Peeta and Katniss finding their way back to each other and I have just recently decided that Peeta gets to keep his leg (the one he lost b/c of the mutts from book 1) because I based him from the movie where he didnt loose any part of his anatomy. That's all :)_

_PS: A review would mean very much to the author._

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><p>I have lost count of the days, or maybe even weeks since I have interacted with an actual human being. Ofcourse, Haymitch checked to see me last week and the last time I have spoken to Katniss was when I was planting those primrose. I glance out the window to see if the roses are doing good and their remarkable pale yellow flowers and glossy green leaves replies that they are.<p>

Sun is rising and it's another day ahead of me. I dont know if I should actually call it that because a "day" actually has something to look forward to unlike me. I have been dull for days and it's occurring as if being back to 12 isnt the best decision afterall. That maybe Dr. Aurellius wasnt right about trusting my state of mind. Not to mention that the disturbance of going out of control has been more recent.  
>Before my thoughts even go out of rail, the sound of footsteps has distracted me. Not footsteps in the house but outside. The village is dead silent which makes you hear any pin drop in your surroundings possible.<p>

I look out and see Katniss in her old leather jacket. It's hunting time in which she does everyday. Part of me always wanted to follow but I decide it's best if I stay put inside my apartment. But today there's a whisper in the wind which makes it unrefusable so I get out and started heading towards her.

I can say she noticed that I am because she slowed down for me to catch up.  
>"Hey." She called behind her.<br>"Yeah. Hi." I say as I was about next to her.  
>"What are you up to?" She asks as we both continue to walk.<br>"I'm... going to say hi to Delly in the square." I lied as I smiled at her a bit. "How about you?"  
>"Hunting."<br>"Why dont you throw some of those squirrels for me?" I say as we pass Haymitch's house. "Which reminds me..." I come to a stop. "How is Haymitch doing?" I ask her and looked up at the house in my right.  
>"I dont know. I barely talk to him... I barely talk to anybody."<br>"Can we stop by to say hi?" I offer.  
>She gave me a shrug. "I'm not sure... but I guess it wouldnt hurt."<br>I smile at her. "It wont." I gave her an assuring squeeze in the hand which reminded me of the reaping of our first game. I headed towards Haymitch as she followed behind.

I knocked on the door and as expected, no one has decided to open it so I went in myself.  
>The inside of the house smells like liquor. I dont know how Haymitch manages to receive alcohol at this state of the town but he's doing pretty good at it. I search around the room to look for him and I see him passed out on the dining table, his drink on one hand and a knife on the other.<br>I turned around to see if Katniss is doing okay and she gave me a nod for approval so I headed towards Haymitch and gently removed his knife from his hands before waking him up.

He came back to his senses with a thud on the floor as he fell and tried to stand. I helped him up while he continues to stumble to get back on his feet.  
>"Why are you two here?" He asks.<br>"Katniss here is going hunting and I was on my way to say hi to a friend. We decided to drop by since we're already in front of your apartment."  
>"Great." He moans as he finds his way back to his chair. "How have you two been?" He asks.<br>I look at Katniss waiting for her to answer first as she tries to find her voice.  
>"There's not really an improvement." She tells us.<br>"Dont worry. I think I'm even worst." I tell her.  
>Haymitch rolls her pair of eyes. "What a surprise since you two are locking yourself from the world." He gave us a cold look. "Look, I'm not saying that the world will be the same bright and sunny as it was before... Oh wait. It never was.. But that's not the point. What I'm trying to say is that I am still your mentor and will always be. So I advice both of you to not be any stranger to one another. Actually, dont be a stranger to anyone. A lot has changed but we're still the same team. Theres no point in locking your doors when every citizen of Panem are grieving. But... whatever." He stretches his arms in the air and yawns. "If you wish not to listen, then try to deal with what you're dealing with alone. And goodluck with that."<br>We sit there in silence, trying to weigh in what he just said. He is right afterall. There is no point in grieving when everyone in Panem specially in 12 are just like us who wishes themselves dead but had no choice.

"Katniss" calls Haymitch. "Bring Peeta with you if you're going hunting today." He continues his explanation just in case any one of us even tries to disagree. But surprisingly, none is. "It's an order. As your mentor... Now go. You're ruining my sleep."

We step out of the house silently as I follow her to wherever she's hunting. We pass by what seems to be houses which everyone is trying to rebuilt.  
>"He's right, you know." She says as we cross 12's old fence.<br>"Yeah. I was thinking about that too." I sigh.  
>"What do you think we should do?" She asks.<br>I shake my head. "I dont really know..." I search my eyes in the forest and see a rabbit. "But right now, we hunt." I tell her.  
>She makes her way to a piece of shallow log and in it, rests her bows and arrows. She immediately shot an arrow in its direction and hits its eyes. I cant help not to grin. It's like the old days in the arena. I look at her with a beam in my face for approval and she smiled in return. It's almost as if we're normal again although it's only temporary.<br>Without exchanging any words, we kept going and have took down a couple of squirrels and some rabbits. The animals here doesnt seem to mind my lousy and noisy footsteps, or maybe Katniss just shoots faster than they could run. Eitherway, it has been going good for our taste. Even without communicating, we felt the same peaceful and serenity in the air when we were in the cave on our first game-Knowing that it would be painful if we leave the woods and return to reality.

We were gathering some berries. The non-poisonous ones when she remembers something. What appears to be a smile spreads across her face. Something I havent seen from her after a long time.  
>"Follow me." She says as we collected the berries to her game bag.<br>I trailed behind her clueless for almost a mile until we finally stopped. It was a sparkly peaceful lake somewhere deep in the forest because the bombing of 12 did not certainly affect it.  
>Katniss washed her face in the clear water and sat by at the bank.<br>"Is this one of your secret hideouts? Why you always run off to the woods?" I ask as I sit next to her and watch the lake shine. On the looks of it, I'm guessing it's 11 in the morning.  
>"Yes. To the both... I never actually brought anyone here."<br>I look at her with a hint of surprise in my gaze. "Oh really?" I ask suspiciously.  
>She smiled. "My father and I discovered this place. I was just five, then. And we had this place all to ourselves. I never actually thought of bringing anyone else here. Until today."<br>"Well, what made you think I was worthy enough to know?"  
>"I dont know." She let out a sigh. "Maybe because I admitted to myself that there's nothing more to loose."<p>

We sit there in silence. I know there's nothing more I can say to make her feel better. We both might as well accept the fact that we have lost everything and everyone in our lives to keep ours.  
>"Why do you think we made it this far?" She asks.<br>I chuckled although I know I'm not supposed to. Her head snaps at my direction.  
>"Oh. I'm sorry." I say. "All I know is I should be six feet under the ground by now. That I should've died like a mutt, without even regaining my self control. But you didn't let me."<br>"Do you think dying is better than what I've put you in today? Safe and secured but slowly loosing life because of emptiness?"  
>"Honestly?" I look straight at her eyes. Not attempting to lie. "No." I smiled at her while she looks at me in curiosity.<br>"Why not?"  
>"Because every time I'm with the girl who saved my life, it reminds me that there's a reason why she didnt let me die alone. That there's still hope that someday, even it might not be soon, I'll be my old self again. That all these torment flashbacks will go away and I can, maybe build a more peaceful life."<br>"You really feel that way?" She asks.  
>"Ofcourse some days are better than the other. But I feel much more assured when I'm with you." I admit.<br>She smiled and then we fell silent again.  
>The sun sits high in the sky which means it's sometime around noon. Out of thin air, I hear my stomach grumble which causes both of us to laugh.<br>"Sorry. I didnt actually have breakfast earlier." I explain.  
>"It's fine. It's lunch time, anyways. Do you want to set up fire here and have lunch?"<br>"I would be delighted."

We collected dry leaves and twigs and then started making fire in the bank. We cooked one rabbit and a squirrel and ate handfuls of those berries.  
>"I cant remember the last time we ate in the woods without anyone trying to kill us." I tell her and we enjoy a laugh at ease, enjoying each other's company.<br>"It's our first time." She smiled. "I'm starting to return Dr. Aurellius' phone calls, you know." She tells me as we take a bite off our meal.  
>"Really? That's great."<br>"He's been giving me advices and some exercises.. Like this, for example. I'm restricted to act like I'm the only person in the world."  
>"How come you're only following his orders now?" I ask her.<br>She chuckled. "It only came to me today that I should. Haymitch's novel speech."  
>"Aren't I the only one who had some moments today." I say, popping berries in my mouth.<p>

We finished our lunch with one squirrel and a rabbit to carry back home. Also with a few more berries.  
>Later that day became more and more cloudy but we stand by at the bay until the heavens decided to pour rain upon us.<br>"Spring rain." I mumble.  
>"First one home will have both rabbit and squirrel?" She taunts. Who is she kidding? Ofcourse she'll win.<br>"Nah. I..." Before I could even finish, I burst out running. There was a lot of laughter in the air, and I recognized it's from the both of us as she catches up behind me.  
>Halfway across town, We ran next to each other but none of us stopped. Not even the rain.<br>"I could use some rabbit meat, you know." I tell her.  
>She smirked and ran even faster, taking the lead. I cant help not to laugh.<br>Once again, nothing made us stop running even though no one's after us. Not even the rain, the cold wind nor mud puddles. We just sprint across them until we reach the village.  
>She climbed her apartment's porch, leading the race a few meters away from me. She turned around to look at me, declaring her victory as she flashes a smile.<p>

"You just lost a squirrel."  
>"Yeah. That's just great." I say, panting as I try to catch my breath. "Look you should probably get inside now. I dont think the rain have any plans on having a break. You might get a cold or something."<br>She nods. I watch her go inside, dripping wet under the rain. Before she closes the door behind her, she looks at me and asks. "I will see you later, right?"  
>"Where else do you think I would be?" I smile.<br>"I just cant afford loosing another..." She shakes her head. Cringing away from the thought. "Later, then?"  
>"Later." I assure her for the last time then she closes her door and I made my way back to my home soaking wet.<p> 


	7. The Old Guidebook

_**Author's note:**_  
><em><strong>Hi guys! It took a while but here is the 7th installment. I just want to remind everybody that I really am overwhelmed to see you guys support this even though it's just a fan fic. It means a lot to me. A whole lot.<strong>_

_**Anyways, I wont keep you longer from the next chapter. Maybe I should just tell you that it's located the night after chapter 6. Yeah that's all. I hope you guys like it and leave a review, maybe? Thank you very much.**_

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><p>Thunder and lightning hits the dark sky. As I have suspected, heavens never had any plans to have a break from the rain. It's even worst than earlier.<br>It's late night but I dont feel any stress nor frustration even though today has worked out well. Feeling a little lighter than days before, I managed to start baking again and little by little returning to my old life.

I just removed the cheese buns from the oven when someone was banging at the front door. Not knocking but aggressively banging.  
>"PEETA!" I heard her cry from outside. I jolted from the kitchen to the door as my heart went overdrive.<br>I open the door and see Katniss soaking wet from the heavy rain, her face full of wary and fear.  
>"Hey." I say and reach out for her. She ran into my arms with no hesitation, still shaking.<p>

I lead her inside near the fire place and covered her in a blanket as she gave the fireplace an empty stare. I made her hot chocolate, knowing she has been fond of it and served a couple of those cheese buns I just baked.  
>"Here. Keep yourself warm." I handed the cup of hot chocolate and sat next to her. "How are you?"<br>She shook her head in reply.

"Okay... How about telling me what happened?"  
>She took a deep breath, hesitant. But she finally started. "I-I-It was horrible." She says in an unstable voice. "P-Prim and Finnick and Boggs and... It's all my fault! I'm a monster.. I'm a monster!" She cries.<br>"No you're not!" I answer.  
>"YES I AM. I killed all of them. They're dead because of me. I killed... P-Prim." She swallowed hard, trying to make sense what's in front of her. "I KILLED PRIM, PEETA." She started to shake all over again.<br>"No you did not! Listen to me!" I grabbed her shoulder and stare straight at her eyes. "You're not a monster." I slide my hands from her shoulders to her hands and held them tightly. "I know you're not..." It's like she wouldnt stop shaking. "I know. . . in my heart that you are not."

She looked at me in her teary eyes, trying her best to calm down. I wrapped my arms around her and dared not to let go until she felt better.  
>"Hush now. It was just a bad dream."<br>For a moment , there we are starting to feel better. Little by little, atleast. Sitting down next to each other, watching the flames rise in the chimney as it crackles.

It doesnt feel right. I dont know why but it just doesnt although we have held each other like this before whenever she wakes up from a bad dream. Something within me is trying to resurface again. Something not good.

"Dr. Aurellius is giving me advice to save all the memories." she says in a hushed voice. It gave me an extra effort just to focus.  
>"How can you do that exactly?" I asked.. or I think i asked.<br>"I've started to collect these notes and photos in my old guidebook."  
>Now I'm certain my muscles are getting tense. I need to get out of here. Get away from her.<br>"I should just get it right now." I tell her, standing upright.  
>"I think I left it in the kitchen counter." She called from behind before I slam the door me.<p>

My heartbeat goes faster and faster as my mind continued throbbing. Flashes of memories started to play before my eyes.  
>"Katniss' old guidebook. Kitchen Counter." I keep telling myself in repeat to remember as I threw myself in the rain as fast as I can.<br>"Katniss' old guidebook. Kitchen Counter." I open her apartment's door and went myself in.  
>This is bad. I'm starting to hear voices yelling for help and I feel like I'm gonna get paralyzed but I kept moving.<br>"KATNISS' OLD GUIDEBOOK. KITCHEN COUNTER." I headed to the kitchen counter and see it laying atop. I grabbed it right away and went out of the house.  
>My knees couldnt take any more of it until I reached my own porch. I landed with a thud and wrapped myself in a fetal position. I think Katniss rushed to see what's all the ruckus about but honestly, I cant tell what is true or not after that. . .<p>

My heart returns to normal capacity and I can feel myself breathe again. I take deep breaths and relaxes my muscles. I open my eyes as they adjusts to the dark. I cant tell anything except that the rain hasnt stilled. I can see Katniss has stayed on my side all along as the thunder strikes. She looks at me in her worried eyes.  
>I tried to get up but honestly, I wouldnt make it if she hasnt helped me so.<p>

She led me inside and let me sit in the sofa. I'm pretty worn out myself. I dont know how long I've been like that outside.  
>She looked at me, expecting an explanation.<br>"Uh.. I'm sorry you have to see that." I say in a low voice.  
>"It never went away, has it?"<br>I shake my head. "No. Not really."  
>She let out a sigh of wariness and looked down.<br>"I will be better than this. I will. I have to." I look at her in the eyes. "I promise you."  
>She didnt say a word. She just looked away.<p>

I tried to change the topic when I gained full consciousness and took her guidebook which was sitting on the carpet floor. Surprisingly, It's not very wet thanks to it's thick leather cover protecting it from the rain water.  
>"So what do we do now?" I asked her with a smile, trying to make her feel comfortable again.<br>She looked like she's trying to set aside her shock and explained me everything. Save pictures, write notes and memories on them. How much they are missed. How much they are worth. All the good they have done to the world and all the lessons they taught us. "Dr Aurelius said it will help to make me remember that I was still loved by them no matter what crazy memories tries to infiltrate reality." She says. And I do think it is a good idea.

We started placing Prim first after the pages of plants and herbs. Under her picture, Katniss writes a description saying, "The only person I have always been certain that I love. . . Primrose Everdeen". I watch her write a letter. I guess it would be a little private so i decided not to snoop.  
>And then I realized what this war has resulted on us again as I watch her beautiful face looking busy and wary and empty and sad while writing. It killed almost everyone we know and love and there was nothing we could do to stop it. These burn scars from both of us are a reminder on how we should've died. How we should have really died in the first place, in the first games.<br>But maybe Katniss could have survived and I'll be long gone like the other 23 tributes every year. I wonder how would she live the rest of her life, then. Prim, Mrs. Everdeen, and Gale. Would she even remember me if she won the 74th Games? Would she visit my grave? I dont think so. I would only be a bitter memory that she keeps on reminding herself to forget every night when she wakes up from nightmares. And who would comfort her if ever she wakes up from those bitter memories? Would Gale be there and know how much painful it is, trying to live everyday knowing that you've killed all those innocent tributes? I dont think so, too. No one would understand unless you've survived the arena yourself.

Incidentally, She hands me the pen and the book.  
>"Hmm?" I asked in surprise, eyeing Prim's little page and notice how Katniss have left a space. Maybe for me to write.<br>"Aren't you gonna leave a few words?" She asks.  
>"Oh." I smile and take the book and pen. "Thank you." I say. I really mean it. I'm heartfelt to know that I am still a part of few things. That I'm still a part of her world somehow. No matter how cruel, messy and empty it is.<p>

**_"Dear Prim. . .  
><em>_You are missed terribly. I hope that you're doing well and you're happy wherever you are. I would like to tell you that it really has been an honor meeting such a sweet and kind friend like you. We could have done anything to protect you even if it means taking your place right now but everything was too late and we're sorry about that. We really are.  
><em>_I would like to tell you that I'm gonna do everything I can to take care of your sister for you because i know you would want me to do that anyways. I never did stop loving her, you know. I promise I will soon be back to my normal self for her. For you.  
><em>_We both really love you and miss you, Prim. And the best we can do now is hope that you have found eternal happiness, too._**

**_With much love,  
>Peeta."<em>**

"You're not allowed to read that, Katniss. No matter what." I turned to her.  
>"I wont. Unless you have read what I wrote."<br>"I honestly did not. So dont snoop unless I tell you."  
>"Dont worry about it, Peeta. I really wont. I promise."<br>I chuckled. "Good."

We spent the night together eating cheese buns and drinking cocoa while we waited for the rain to stop so she can finally head home. But it even poured harder.

"I hate to break it but I dont think the rain has plans to stop." I say.  
>She frowned and looked at me. "Can I not go home tonight, please? I dont think I can spend the night without loosing my mind."<br>"I loose my mind all the time." I say jokingly.  
>"No. . . I mean. . . I'm sorry." She looked away.<br>I chuckled. "I'm joking. Ofcourse. I would be delighted with your company."

And we spent the night around the fire place, just sitting next to each other, being normal. Sometimes talking, and just enjoying each other's company until we have gone tired. I thought it was too much to ask but it still happened anyways.


	8. Coals become pearls

Months have passed since I've returned to District 12. It's been 9 or 10, if I were to estimate. Either way, a lot of things have changed.  
>I can tell as I make my way to the square.<br>The Square now stands nothing but more than a handful of stores that are still under construction but it has looked better by a long shot than after the bombing.  
>The sun is starting to rise across the horizon. I head to my station which pretty much looked the same as the others. Basically, it's not a store. It's a station, if you ask me. Some call it bread house. Whatever you may call it, it doesnt matter.<br>Once inside, I start to bake buns and breads for hundreds. Literally. For these breads arent for me or for money. A couple of months ago, the three of us, consisting of Haymitch, Katniss and Me, decided to help 12's recovery. It's not that Katniss and I are fully aware of our senses. Sometimes, even I loose control but I try to hide it. Unfortunately, of all the things I can flawlessly slip through lying, this isn't one of them. It's not my choice to snap out of myself infront of them, is it?  
>Anyways, we have decided to give back to the 12's civilians. And here I am today in my bakery. The funds were completely taken care of Haymitch, for even after the war, the horrific victors of the hunger games were still supplied by a bundle of food every month. My family's gone. And so is Katniss' sister. Her mother has been away for long enough. There's just no way we can use all that stock.<p>

The bell atop of the door chimed. I looked up and see Katniss with her bulky game bag and a fish-ful of net on one of her hands.  
>"Hey" She said with a smile.<p>

A lot of things happened in those months. And as long as we accept the fact that we no longer have anyone else except the three of us, the better we can actually breathe. _"Somewhere, somehow, there's a reason why we survived. Maybe it's not time to realize what is it yet but as long as we hang on to that thread of life, it **will** be better. It may not be that realistic for now, but I believe in a peaceful ending as long as you look at the bright side of the road. Because **every** suffering and pain ends. If it does not, then it's still not the end." _I remember President Paylor say in one of her speeches.  
>I guess I believe her. Only because I can tell that I've been better... I mean, I no longer run and scream when I'm snapping from my control. And my mind is developing more and more in a relax state. Although, Katniss was one sided on President Paylor's beliefs. Stubborn as always. I cant blame her, tho.<p>

"How's today?" I asked, wiping my batter filled fingers with a towel.  
>She pats her bag with her free hand. "See for yourself." She grinned and lay all her games in the counter.<br>"A dozen of fish and five rabbits? Nice!"  
>"Yeah? It seems like the fishes are migrating or something. There were all that could carry, tho"<br>"No. It's plenty enough to feed atleast 30 families. We could divide each of the fishes into two since they're no ordinary fish. They're pretty large. What do you think?" I ask.  
>"Yeah you're right. There's still bread to come with it, anyways." She headed to the trays and took a small bun. "I hope you dont mind? I havent had breakfast and I'm pretty beat up." She looked at me.<br>"It's fine." I smiled. "There are still some in the oven so suit yourself."  
>"Make me cheese buns back home, okay? I miss those."<br>I laughed. "Yes, ma'am. I'll bake dozens."

"Ugh. You two sound like an old married couple. It's sending me chills." We turned to the door and see Haymitch, drunk as ever.  
>"We're only room-mates. or house-mates... Whatever. I dont need to explain myself to you." Katniss hissed and then turned to me. "I thought that bell works."<br>"It is working. You two were just busy in your own little fantasy world to hear it."  
>I can sense Katniss starting to snarl.<br>"Oh. What brings you here, Haymitch?" I asked to stop any further arguments.  
>"I just wanna see how our little project is doing... Yeah and I've gathered information as well."<br>"Huh?" Katniss raised one of her eye-brows.  
>"There's a train arriving later. More specifically, someone will visit who might interest both of y-"<br>"Nope. Not interested." She cut Haymitch off. Causing him to let out a sigh.  
>"Well then. Suit yourself. I'm going back home to take a nap." We watched him turn and leave the room.<br>I look at Katniss, hoping for a reason on her lack of interest but she turned her back to clean the rabbits in the sink, obviously shutting the conversation down herself.

People started to pile on our door a little while. Usually, after they have gathered bags of grains, courtesy of the Capitol. They fall neatly in line and are given a limit of two bread loaves while Katniss hands them her daily games depending on the number of one's family. After a long morning, we headed to the lake like we usually do. It's the only place where we can escape reality which by any means the only location we can relax. Bringing a couple of loaves with us and a piece of cheese that was preserved in the cupboard, we set out a picnic with a handful of berries we were able to gather.  
>With our full stomach, we lay under the shades of trees waiting for a nice afternoon nap.<br>"Look at that." I said, pointing at a mocking bird sitting atop of the tree. "It seems like they're back from some kind of migration."  
>She grunted. "Sick little birdies." She reached for the nearest pebble in sight and threw it to the clueless bird. "Shoo!"<br>I let out a chuckle. "Stop harassing the clueless bird. It wont be a matter of time till mockingjays fill up the trees around here."  
>She rolled her eyes. "You wouldnt understand."<br>I rolled my body around towards her direction and pinned her already lying body to the ground. I looked at her straight in the eye. "Since when did I misunderstand?" I hissed at her, trying to make a point. "Even if I dont, I've always tried my hardest to absorb everything in. . ."  
>I noticed our lips are only an inch away from meeting each other. As much as I was tempted to feel hers on mine, I got a grip of myself.<br>". . . Just for you." I mumbled as I shut my eyes close and pulled myself out of her face. I unpinned her from beneath me and lay my back on the grass. Dead air automatically followed. I felt the gush of guilt taking over me. Minutes of awkward silence filled the atmosphere. I shrugged as I sat down.  
>"I'm sorry. It was just, I'm tired of you thinking that I never tried to understand you when not a single day has passed without me thinking about you. Every morning I check on you to cease my worry that you have gone completely out of it. When you sleep peacefully in my arms at evening, I couldnt help not to stay awake and have a full watch if ever something goes wrong because I want to be there if ever you wake up crying from a nightmare. I want to be the one who comforts you. To make you feel better. And yet you continue to accuse me even up until now that I couldnt care less about you because I do, Katniss. I care about you a lot. Not only in the games but way before you even met me. I always have and always wi-"<br>Everything seems to be on slow motion. My brain was trying to process what's clearly happening. I am not aware of the details but all I know is, her lips met mine. I kissed her back in return, and so did she.

* * *

><p>"Sing me a song." I requested. The sun is setting into a twilight as we made our way back home.<br>She laughed. "No. No. No."  
>I beamed. "Not fair for someone who bakes cheese buns every day."<br>"Are you trying to say something?"  
>"Not really. I'm just making you sing."<br>"I... I cant..." She mumbled.  
>"There's nothing you cant do." I looked at her sincerely.<br>She looked down. I was starting to get worried but that was before I heard her...  
>"And at last, I see the light. . . And it's like. . . the fog has lifted . . ." She sang softly under her breathe. She inhaled sharply before starting the next line, like trying to gather her courage. She continued to sing a little louder.<br>"And at last, I see the light. And it's like the sky is new. . .  
>And it's warm and real and bright, And the world has somehow shifted." She looked up, now smiling. She turned to me, flashing the most beautiful smile I've ever seen her use.<br>"All at once, Everything looks different. . . Now that I see you. . ." A tear fell on her left cheek. I reached up and wiped it with the back of my hand.  
>"You're just as beautiful as the first time I've seen you." I told her as I held her hand. "Let's go home."<p>

"K-Katniss?" Someone with a familiar voice called from behind before we even start moving. I can feel Katniss shake even without looking up.  
>I turned to look at the mystery person and see none other than Gale. Katniss' grip on my hand got even tighter as he started to move closer.<br>"Peeta. . . I hope you dont mind if I borrow her for a while?"  
>I gave Katniss' hand a gentle squeeze and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Dont worry. I'll be at home baking cheese buns." I whispered on her ear before letting go of her hand.<br>I faced Gale who's wearing a torn face, unable to tear his eyes off her. I patted his shoulder twice before walking away.

* * *

><p>When I reached home, I headed to the kitchen and prepared all the things needed to make cheese buns. I need everything as much as possible to distract me from worrying.<br>_'She'll be fine.' _I convinced myself. _'I trust Katniss... And so do I towards Gale.'_ I let out a sigh.

While kneading, a heard a knock on the door. "Come in."  
>Haymitch appears. He went in and sat in the dining room, a bottle of wine in his hand.<br>"I see your wife has found out who's in town." He says.  
>I shook my head, knowing there's no point in arguing with him. "What made him come back?"<br>"I dont know. Maybe visiting his family and Katniss. . ." He gulped a drink from his bottle.  
>"I wish I know what they're talking about at the moment, though." I tell him as I put the dough in the oven.<br>He shook his head in reply. "Well, whatever. I just came to check up on you. Making sure that you're still on your usual self or something like that." He stood. "If you need me, I'm just blocks away." And he left, leaving the door behind him open. He's probably too drunk to even close it.  
>I looked for something to do for me to relieve the tension so I went upstairs and decided to take a nap in my room which used to be a spare room here in Katniss' apartment but no one seems to be visiting us for long. But if ever someone we know barges in out of nowhere, they can stay-hell, they can even live permanently-on the other houses here in victor's village.<br>Something suddenly pulled my feet into a halt as I passed by Katniss' room in the hall way. I've been to her room, yes. But only when she's about to sleep and needs my comfort. Curiosity rushed so I settled to let myself inside. I scanned my eyes around the green walls with half cream colored panels on its bottom part. Her closet idly stands in the corner.  
>I sat on the edge of the bed. This seems to be the moment of truth.<br>Out of nowhere, I feel a stabbing pain in my head. Thousands of needles made their way, stabbing it consistently. My body started to shake in pain as my fists grabbed the bed. Another day seems to start fighting over my self control.  
>I closed my eyes, expecting the numbing pain.<p>

_"Well, it wont be an issue much longer." I hear him say. "I think it's unlikely all three of us will be alive at the end of the war. And if we are, I guess it's Katniss' problem. Who to choose." He yawns under the dark night. "We should get some sleep."  
>"Yeah." I say, sliding my handcuffs to settle in. "I wonder how she'll make up her mind."<em>  
><em>"Oh. That, I know." Gale says, looking at me in the faint of light emitting from the small fire. "Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she cant survive without."<br>I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to kick in.  
>Instead, I hear a woman's shriek from far away. I open my eyes and only see a blinding light. It took a while for my eyes to adjust but once they did, I saw two masked figures interrogating a woman I know. Johanna Mason.<br>The proctols drowned him on a bucket full of water while she struggles to stick her head for air. But she made a bad move. One of the figures dunked her head harder and after a few seconds, he grabbed her hair and pulled her in his eye-level.  
>"Now, talk or you die." He says in an intimidating voice.<br>She glared at the masked figure. Instead of talking, she spit on him straight in the face.  
>"You disgust me." She says.<em>

There was a noise of shattering glass that pulled me back to reality. I gasped for air as if I was the one who is under interrogation. I turned around and see a shattered lamp on the floor beside the bed side drawer where it once used to sit. I hear buttercup meow apologetically next to it.  
>"Dont worry. I'll clean the mess." I tell him as I reached out to scratch his side while he purred.<br>I was about to clean the mess buttercup made but the box drawer caught my full attention.  
>Opening the top box, I saw a silver parachute. Squinting my eyes, my vision really isnt kidding me. Inside the container lays the nostalgic pieces of paraphernalia. The locket, the mockingjay pin and peeking under the materials, I see a white pearl.<br>_"Coals become pearls when they're under lots of pressure." _  
>"Indeed." I mumble to myself. "I cant believe you kept this all along." He cant help not to smile...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>[AN] Oh my god. I am soooo sorry for late update. College is killing me and it's my first year. I cant get a grip. Anyways, I really am truly story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter tho I admit it wasnt that great. xx**

**sorry again :(**


	9. Masquerade Ball

**[AUTHOR UPDATE: Super late chapter! Oh my. I am so sorry. It's just that college is eating me alive and this and that. i cant find time to breathe. I just miss this story so much and I wanna finish it as soon as possible :) I already have my ending plot so you better stay tuned.  
>Oh yeah. I was regardless of the 'tangled' reference last chapter that is why I wanna make it up now. The song Katniss sang the last time was from that movie and you should check it out. It's really good. (thanks to NaomiBlue for reminding me.)<strong>

**Blah blah blah. Anyways, thank you soooooo much for staying connected with my fanfic, it means a lot to me. really. HUGS FOR EVERYONE! :D**_  
><em>**Okay. time to cut it short. haha. Sorry. I'm just so overwhelmed.  
>*ehem* I present you, Chapter 9!]<strong>

* * *

><p>"Masquerade Ball?" Katniss raised an eyebrow at the thought. "No way."<br>"Oh come on. It will be fun. " I persuaded.  
>I looked at the hologram being lit out by the golden mask-shaped pad, elegantly designed and written with gold-hues and masks to emphasize the theme.<p>

_"Greetings!_

_You are cordially invited to a  
>Masquerade Ball<br>A special evening of  
>Cocktails, Music, Dinner and Dancing<br>On the third week of September  
>President's Mansion, Capitol, Panem"<em>

"I mean, Why would they start something like this when the whole Panem is in the verge of dying?" She complained while preparing her cup of hot chocolate for breakfast.  
>I shut down the hologram and left the invitation pad on the table. "Correction. Panem has achieved halfway of it's restoration. Never underestimate the power of helping hands." I chuckled which seems to trigger her nerves. "Haymitch said each district is escorted by a Capitol train, which will fetch everyone invited tonight, and all are advised to have a room to stay once arrived. Also, they wouldnt mind taking care of every single detail, as well as the clothes you'll wear." <em>Just like the good chapters of the Hunger Games before.<em> I wanted to add but rather held my tongue, considering the _games_ are actually taboo around her. Instead, I gave her a warm smile. "Come. It will be hassle free. All you have to do is attend."  
>She shook her head.<br>I let out a sigh and headed towards her direction.  
>"I told you I'm not coming, Peeta. I'm done with fluffy dresses and parties. I-"<br>Laying my index finger on her lips to cut her off, I knelt on one knee and held her hand.  
>"I'm not used to being smooth and all, specially when it comes to <em>you. <em>And I'm not oblivious of your refusal. . . but. . ." I looked up and watched her with sincere eyes. I dont know what I'm actually doing, but I decided to put all my trust upon my instincts. _I just hope I dont stutter. _  
>I swallowed a lump on my throat. "Will you go to the ball with me?"<p>

She pursed her lips. She gave me a smile. Not her usual type of sarcastic smile, but a genuine smile. Atleast, that's what I think it is.  
>I heard the cat-door flap as she looked away.<br>"Oh look. It's buttercup." She said and walked away with her hot chocolate.  
>I let out a grunt and stood upright.<br>Katniss and buttercup passed by each other like it was nothing. _So much for taking care of a cat._  
>She sat on a living room couch as I followed her. "So?" I asked.<br>Katniss looked up me an blinked a couple of times. "What?"  
>"Seriously?" I took the seat next to her.<br>"Whaaat?" She laughed.  
>I rolled my eyes at her. "Fine, then. I'll attend alone. And maybe ask someone else for their hand to dance or something."<br>She punched my arm playfully. "You wouldnt." She said confidently.  
>"Why not? I can do anything I want. It's a new republic."<br>"It's not like you to do that!" She injects. "And, if ever you smooth talk your way in it just because you're a good speaker, I'll just do this." She scooched over and planted a peck on my cheek, laid her head on my shoulder as she drank her cup of hot choco.  
>"That's very much convincing." I chuckled and kissed her forehead.<br>"Hmm-hmm"  
>"But I still need to prepare. So if you excuse me-" I stood up with without warning which causes her to tumble around the couch, almost spilling her coco.<br>"You almost spilled my hot choco!" She exclaimed, having her arm support her on her side.  
>I couldnt help not to laugh. "I'm so sorry but you wouldnt come to the ball with me. And I need to look sharp." I offered her a hand to help her sit upright. But she ignored it and sat in a fetus-like position with her cocoa in both of her hands. It was darn one of the cutest thing I have ever seen.<br>"I didnt say I wont come!" She rolled her eyes. "Go away. I changed my mind!-dance with whoever you want to dance with. Dance with Haymitch, hell I care. Leave me alone, Peeta."  
>I accidentally burst out laughing which causes her to feel more pissed. Now I feel sorry for myself.<br>"I'm sorry. Really. I mean it. I'm gonna go upstairs and prepare now." I told her as an excuse, trying to hold my laughter in.  
>"You dont mean it." She glared at me. "Go away!" She threw a pillow at me which hit my face lightly.<br>"Okay, okay! I just wanted you to come with me." I turned and headed upstairs.

* * *

><p>"Hey." Haymitch called out as I looked around the station. He was drinking on the counter of a food station. <em>Again<em>. "The third train on your right, in case you're lost."  
>"I see. Thanks." I gave him a nod. He looked around as if missing something.<br>"Where's sweetheart?"  
>I shrugged.<br>"What? You two had a fight? I thought you share something-something with her."  
>I scanned every corner of the station, searching for her. "I'm not sure if she'll come or..."<br>Finally, my eyes met her, entering the station with rather a boring expression. "No, there she is." I smiled at her. She simply rolled her eyes.  
>"Oh! Sweetheart! There you are!" He waved at Katniss with such enthusiasm. I dont even know how the two of them stand each other. "Over here!" He motioned her to come over, as she did.<br>"What are you so happy about?" She raised an eyebrow at me.  
>I cleared my throat as I hid my smile. "Nothing. Geez. . . Let me help you with that." I offered a hand over the leather daybag she was carrying.<br>"I can handle this myself." She deadpanned.  
>"Good thing you finalized to come." Haymitch interrupts. "It would be damned if our mockingjay didnt make an appearance." He says in such a sarcastic voice.<br>"I'm not here for them, of neither for _you_." She turned to me, pressing her point on me.  
>"Then why did you decide to come?" I asked her with a smile, opposed to her sour mood.<br>"None of your business."  
>"You're such a sweet girl." Haymitch annoys with a chuckle. "Anyways, dont you think you have already made one hell of a greeting?"<br>Katniss groaned. "What a surprise."  
>He laughs in return. "Well, that's enough for today. I'm getting sick so. . ." He stood up, swaying on his sides. I rushed to support him but he waved me off. "Dont underestimate me, Peeta. I'll be back in my room inside. You two should follow. Train's gonna leave in 15 minutes." He says as we watched him stumbled on his feet back to the train.<br>I turned to Katniss and flashed her a genuine smile.  
>"What now?" She folded her arms impatiently.<br>"Nothing." I chuckled as she rolled her eyes and started heading inside the train.  
>"Wait a minute!" I called behind her, she turned and glared at me. "I dont know what I've done, but I'm sorry."<br>"You've been laughing at me the whole day and you dont know?"  
>"I was kidding! I wasnt laughing at you. Look, I'm sorry I offended you in any way possible."<br>No reply.  
>"By any means, are you on a period?" I asked innocently. I've been hearing a woman's emotion are much heightened if so. It might be the reason why she's been acting so sensitive lately. Not that she was <em>never<em> sensitive.  
>She gave me a sarcastic smile which turned up side down, revealing what seems to be a grim, and then walked away from me.<br>_"I swear to God, girls are ridiculously hard to coop up with." _I let out a sigh and paced back to the train as well.

Inside, Haymitch and Katniss gathered around the table for dinner. Silence filled the room. Right. They hate each other.  
>"Wait a minute." I call up as I join them. "Something seems missing..."<br>"Huh?" Katniss looked confused.  
>"I cant. . . Put my hands on it but something is really missing."<br>Haymitch looked up. "I do hope you're not talking about-"  
>Just as he was about to finish his sentence, An enthusiastic yelp caught everyone's attention in the train.<br>"Effie!" I smiled at her as she comes into the view. "I knew something was missing."  
>"Oh! I hope you do not find yourself comfortable without me." She stalked towards us with a smile on her face. Her neon green outfit blinding my eyes.<br>In the corner of my eyes, I think I saw Katniss roll her eyes. "Good to see you, Effie." She greets pleasantly.  
>"Very good to see you as well, Katniss... Now, how are you guys fairing?" She flashed a grin to each one of us.<br>"Oh forget that!" I chuckled. "Why are you here?"  
>"Well, I volunteered myself out front to escort all of you exactly when I heard that a ball will take place and you guys are invited." She clasped her hands together as she tried to push back a smile. "Ofcourse, I have to leave my crew, but I'm sure they'll get by. It's only a day, anyways."<br>"What crew?" Haymitch asks, struggling to stay awake.  
>"Nothing important. Just the crew of Capitol's head event organizer." Effie covers her mouth lightly and coughs.<br>"Are you serious?" I asked her. "That's great, Effie. Congratulations!"  
>"That's amazing, Effie." Katniss adds.<br>She shrugged. "Thank you, Thank you!"  
>"So now you work with the president or something? You create events?"<br>"Oh, something like that. And guess what, I'm organizing this week's ball!" She announces eagerly.  
>"Wait, so you planned the whole event?" Haymitch asks, waving the bottle of liquor in his hand.<br>"Yes. Why?"  
>"Nothing." He dismissed, uninterested. Turning back to his drink.<br>"Good to know things are turning out great." I told her.  
>"Yes" Effie nodded. "Things <em>are<em> turning out great, arent they? You seems to be healthier than the last time I've seen you." She smiled. "As well as Katniss."  
>"Thank you. Things are getting better."<br>"Effie. . ." Haymitch calls. "Did the president mention anything about a conference?"  
>She nods silently.<br>"Oh. Good. For a second there I thought it will be all about dancing and music." He rolled his eyes.  
>"What conference?" Katniss demands.<br>"You'll see, dear." Effie winks at her.

After dinner, I head back to my room with Katniss's right across the hallway. Followed by a warm shower, I changed into some comfortable, normal pants and a green shirt sitting inside the closet. I laid my back on the bed for a while, trying to clear up my mind.  
>But then, I saw nothing but horrific images flashed against the dark abyss. Dark times and bitter faiths of all those I've witnessed die were unforgettable, slowly creeping under my skin. Those dark silhouettes seems to stalk closer. . . and closer. . . I tried to run, tried to keep my distance, and even tried to move but it seems impossible. I am paralyzed.<p>

Out of nowhere, a hand covers my nose to prevent me from breathing. It was a cold, frozen hand but my lungs burned nonstop, longing for air. Barely out of breath, I slowly regained my control over my numbing muscles and with every bit of my concentration focused on it, I am able to reach up and release its grasp over me. I let my lungs fill with precious air, as my eyes fluttered. A bright light shone down upon me, blinding my eyes. Finally, the dark abyss was no more.  
>I looked around and I noticed the luminance up ahead was being emitted by a florescent light. I was back in my assigned room. <em>I feel asleep. Another nightmare. . . Of when I was being interrogated.<br>_Before I was even able to collect myself, there was a soft knock on the door. The digital alarm on the bedside table says it's 2:00 AM. Who would disturb me at a time like this?  
>The answer is pretty obvious when I opened the door. <em>Katniss<em>. Her eyes looked concerned, but she looked just as frustrated as I was. Then it dawned on me that probably, I'm not the only one having nightmares tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I hate to break this to you guys but I'm cutting the story short. I really hate myself for doing this but I'm lacking so much time to start writing again and I have to be serious with my life and all that crappy excuse. I swear to god this is heartbreaking...

But that doesnt mean I'll be over writing fanfictions. I'll be around, but I would like to focus on other stories some time soon. I appreciate all your support and I would like to get this done but I really cant. Not at a moment like this.  
>Anways, I'll give you the idea of how things will end so your support wouldnt go to any waste...<br>It's like this; Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch arrived to the "ball" that Effie sort of prepared, only, it was more than a ball. It was some kind of a conference (I expect you already know that). Everyone was there with Gale, Mrs. Everdeen, Plutarch Heavensbee and all.  
>There was a time when Gale kinda took Katniss from the dancefloor and Peeta went looking all over for her, only finding out that they were on the balcony having a decent conversation. He felt a pang of jealousy as he left the two a moment of respect.<br>After Katniss and Gale had their "talk", which is technically about Katniss forgiving Gale, blah blah blah. Gale keeping his distance and still keeping their friendship, She returned to the hall.  
>Peeta was all gloomy and stuff and doesnt want to talk to Katniss because this has been the second time she hasnt been telling him what they talked about, considering that Gale loved her as well. Katniss forced him to dance with him so he did and she told him everything. That they were just friends and she never planned on spending the rest of her life with anyone else.<br>Then Peeta asked; "You love me, real or not real?"  
>"Real." Answered back Katniss.<br>He leaned in to kiss her, just like that passionate kiss they once had.  
>"I love you too." Peeta whispers.<p>

aaaaaaandddd, that's all folks. I'm sorry I had to end it this way but I figured this would be atleast better than abandoning it. A warm and sincere Thanks and Apology to all of you. Hope to encounter you all once again. Goodnight.


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